


Something to Say (Something to Lose)

by Onlymostydead



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter/Funhaus RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe GTA, Angst, Breakup, Drug Abuse, Drug Use, Fake AH Crew, Gender non-conforming Jack, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, It's not all sad, Mentions of other RT People - Freeform, Multi, Non-Binary Ryan, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-04
Updated: 2017-02-04
Packaged: 2018-08-28 23:12:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 13
Words: 15,985
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8466613
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Onlymostydead/pseuds/Onlymostydead
Summary: Even if you have something to say- you always have something to lose by saying it.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is the longest thing I have ever written- Updates should be weekly- but they may be rotated to Saturday's.

Playing out the speech in his mind yet again, Geoff Ramsey had no clue what he would say. If he tried to write it down it sounded too cheesy or stiff, yet the prospect of winging it was possibly more terrifying.   
He looked up at himself in the mirror, running his fingers through his hair. He had this, it would be alright. Whether the confidence was real or if it was coming from the alcohol Geoff couldn't tell- but either way this was happening.

"You can do this," he whispered to himself, flicking off the light and exiting he bathroom.

Trying to hide his shaking hands he shoved them into his pockets, saying a quick prayer before joining the others.

***

Geoff drummed his fingers on his thigh, waiting for a lull in the conversation to speak. His partners chattered happily amongst themselves, a steady stream of curses coming from Michael as he and Gavin played a video game, the occasional squawking noise carrying over as well. Jack and Ryan conversed easily in French, both of their faces lit up with smiles. Jeremy sat patiently between Gavin and Michael, awaiting his own turn. Ray curled up around his DS, tapping erratically at the buttons and cursing softly on occasion.  
Just the average Sunday afternoon in the penthouse.  
Geoff smiled to himself, slipping one hand into his pocket and raising his glass to his lips with the other... Should he do it now, or wait for another time? Would he have the courage to do it later?  
Despite having proposed twice before, and the shot of whiskey he had taken a few hours previous, he was still scared for the outcome. It really didn't get easier the more times he did it, he only got more nervous and scared that it wouldn't work out.  
What if they just said no outright? What if only a couple of them said yes? What if it tore the crew apart?  
Geoff's mind was wracked with these questions and more, the pace of his fingers drumming on his thigh gradually increasing.

Jack and Ryan turned their attention to the TV screen, where Michael and Gavin had just died. The Game Over screen flashed as Jeremy chuckled, Michael half-heartedly yelling at Gavin for screwing up. They were both laughing to hard for him to even seem mad. Ray had paused his game, shutting his DS with a sharp snap and tucking it into his hoodie pocket to watch.  
Now was as good a time as any.

Geoff cleared his throat and set down his glass.

"I... Have something to say." Geoff and Ray said in unison, staring at each other in disbelief as soon as the words simultaneously passed their lips.

"You go first." Ray added quickly, fiddling with his hoodie strings to hide his embarrassment.

Geoff cleared his throat again, glancing about the room at his partners.

"So, this has been on my mind for, well, a long fucking time, to be fully honest here."

He swallowed, assessing the worried expressions on his partners faces before continuing. Michael's fingers appeared to be crossed, and Gavin's head was cocked to he side in confusion.

"And the truth is; I really love you guys, and there's no one else I'd rather be with for well, the rest of my life, really."

Geoff chuckled awkwardly, trying to look them in the eyes but finding it increasingly hard to do so.

"So, after having said that... Will you, Jack Pattillo, Ryan Haywood, Michael Jones, Ray Narvaez Jr., Jeremy Dooley..."

Geoff drew out the pause for a couple of seconds before dropping to one knee. He could feel his body shaking, and hoped his shaky hands wouldn't mess this up.

"And maybe Gavin Free-"

Gavin made a noise somewhere between a relieved sigh and an indignant squawk.

"Marry me?"

He took the, oddly large, box out of his breast pocket and opened it. Six rings were contained inside, the simple gold bands catching the warm afternoon light.  
They all stood stunned for a moment, tears welling up in their eyes. Ray looked as if he might not have fully processed what he meant yet, and Jeremy was blushing down to his neck.  
Jack, however, was the first to react, tears in their eyes. A smile lit up their face, quickly turning into a laugh.

"Yes, oh gosh yes. I almost thought I'd have to be the one to ask." They smiled.

Michael went in for a hug, burying his face into Geoff's shoulder. He said something into his jacket that sounded like 'yes of course you fucking idiot', squeezing Geoff tightly.  
Gavin made some indiscernible babble that, based off the way he threw himself around Michael and Geoff, was also a yes.  
Jeremy soon joined them with a whispered 'yes', as if he couldn't believe it.  
Ryan stood shell-shocked, blinking slowly in disbelief. He'll deny it, but if you asked the rest they would swear that he pinched himself.

"Oui." He finally said, a smile on his face that rivaled the sun.

Carefully setting the box down on the coffee table, Geoff began to stand back up, Gavin still clinging to him, a smile plastered onto his face.

Ray swallowed loudly, still sitting on the couch. Possibly more curled up now, as if to make himself as small as possible. He looked away as Geoff met his eyes, covering his mouth with his shaking hand.

"I really do love you." Ray whispered, still refusing to meet any of their eyes.

Silence was what he was met with as the others tried to discern what that meant. He took a deep breath and exhaled, wiping at his eyes.

"But I have to go." He is voice wavered only slightly, and he said the words stiffly, as if they had been carefully rehearsed.

He swallowed again, looking away from their confused expressions.

"I hope you all understand, it's nothing you did, I just-" he took another breath. "I just need to get out. I love you, but I can't stay." He paused again to regain his composure.  
"I'm sorry," his voice broke, sound failing him. "I'm sorry, I don't want to- I'm ruining this for you."

Geoff closed the distance across the room, enveloping Ray in a hug.

"Just-" Geoff's voice broke. "Know that you always have a home here. The offer is always open if you want to come back, we still love you."

Kissing Ray's forehead he released him from the hug, allowing the others to hug him too.

Gavin was babbling even more incoherently now, and Ryan's carefully done eyeliner was running down his face. Jack looked as if they had been struck, but offered only kind words and a second kiss to the forehead. 

Eventually, however, Ray was let go by the sea of 'I love you's and 'I'll miss you's, and he went to finish packing his bags. Jack went to help him, a gesture seemingly quite welcomed by Ray.

As Geoff say back and watched his boys he hoped and prayed this would work out.  
As devastated as he was about Ray he knew he should have seen it coming, that Ray had been hinting at leaving for a long time. Geoff just hadn't wanted to let him go.  
He hoped that, through this, he would lose anyone else.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ray leaves.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, at some point updates will shift to be on Saturdays.

Ray ran his fingers through his hair and sighed, wishing he didn't have to do this. He knew that, in reality, just leaving without a trace wasn't an option.

Should he really be doing this?

Ray shook his head, as if to dislodge that thought. He had been planning this for months now, and it wasn't as if he hadn't hinted at leaving. He had given plenty of warnings, if they had caught on to it.  
He loved them all, he really did. But they weren't his future, just his past. They gave him a good start to being independent. It was with their help that Brownman went from just another sniper to a name that would go up in history.  
Nodding to himself in the mirror Ray decided to go bong-less. It would be harder that way, but he knew it was the respectful way to do it.  
He would do it, and he would do it right.  
Today.

***

They let him go so easily that it was almost strange.   
They hadn't reacted too poorly, Jack had even helped him pack. But he could sense the betrayal in Ryan and Michael's eyes, he knew he would have to watch his back. Michael scared him with that somethings- his jealousy could get out of control.  
Sighing, Ray shouldered his bag. Trusting that they wouldn't retaliate would be impossible.   
He could still hear them, though. The whispered 'I love you's and, 'I'll never let you go's that he knew too well. They had meant well, at least initially. Ray knew that, but after a while it just felt too... Restrictive. It felt so good to finally be getting away, yet, he had to admit it was almost a bit wrong. Jack claimed they weren't crying as tears ran down their face, smudging their makeup.

Jack never cried-

No, it was regrettable that he had to do it this way, but it had to be done eventually.  
He had already rented a new apartment, thankfully on the other side of town, and very thankfully unbeknownst to the others. It was far smaller, and far dingier than the penthouse, but it was his.   
He dropped his bags at the door and slid off his shoes. It was a fairly nice place, Ray thought to himself. Far better than the little apartment he grew up in. Decently far away from police HQ, and it wasn't actually too small. The only reason it felt cramped was because Ray had been living in the penthouse for close to the last three years.  
He smiled to himself, chuckling softly. Something would have to be done about the smell, though. It smelled like someone had died in here, and knowing Los Santos, someone probably had. They wouldn't be the last, Ray thought grimly to himself.  
He pulled out his phone, pleased to see no notifications from the fakes, only from the other crew he had been planning to do a heist with. Everything seemed to be working out pretty well, in Ray's opinion. Yeah, his missed his boys, Jack, and Ryan a bit, but he would get over it. He had worked with them for three years, after all. Getting over them overnight would be impossible.

***

The heist goes surprisingly smoothly, at least according to Ray's standards.   
This crew had far less experience than the Fakes, the heist was far more hectic than the ones he was used to, despite the long months of planning. They considered it perfectly successful, that nothing had gone wrong.

"If I wasn't here it would've gone worse." Ray sighed to himself, still sweeping over the street through the scope of his sniper rifle.

Trying to shake the thought out of his head he returned to watching the street. A couple with a little kid, couldn't have been older than three, passed by, blissfully unaware of the city around them. He swore they looked like Ryan with his hair down, their partner looked almost like Jeremy. It had only been a month, really, since he left. He was sure the others were taking it worse, and they had each other. Ray sighed, his eyes still following the young couple. He let out a little laugh, quiet as to not give away his position.  
The pay had been better with the Fakes, too.

***

Ray got home late.  
Later than it usually was before, too, though he doubted his decision to go bong-less on that heist had helped him. Gosh, he needed a hit right now.  
No, he was too tired. Sliding out of his shoes and leaning his rifle against the wall Ray headed straight for the bedroom. He would clean his gun in the morning. Now, with the adrenaline from the heist gone, he wanted nothing more than to sleep.  
Which was why, of course, he found himself unable to rest. Sighing in annoyance, Ray grabbed his glasses and phone. It looked like yet another late night that would be spent scrolling on Tumblr until he was shaken awake by-  
No, it had been a month and yet it still hadn't sunken in. In his own apartment, working on heists with other crews. His brain just didn't get it. Jack wasn't going to be there in the morning to force a cup of hot cocoa into his hands with a smile.  
Turning on his phone Ray flinched away from the light, turning the brightness down to where the screen didn't feel as if it would blind him. No internet connection, wonderful. Just his luck.  
With a sad sigh he tapped his photos album. 

Thinking back he should have known better. He should have known not to just sit for hours, scrolling through pictures of old times.

When Ryan taught Gav how to throw a knife, that one time 'lil J stole his phone and Ray ended up with forty-three selfies, and he only had the heart to delete thirty of them. Pictures of Jack when Ray thought they weren't looking. Every time Jack would turn and smile for the camera. Of Geoff in the kitchen, Ray could practically hear him humming a tune, of them all playing video games, pictures of Ryan sleeping odd places...  
The group pictures they took after each and every heist, all of their faces twisted into goofy grins.

Ray turned off his phone.

He squeezed his eyes shut, as if that would blot out the pictures still flashing before his eyes.  
The time Michael pretended to be a high schooler at a prom to get info for a heist, Gavin's pathetic attempts at parkour, Jack's laugh, the way Jeremy can practically bend himself in half, Ryan in that one red dress, when they had first got the penthouse and Geoff was convinced it was haunted...  
He hadn't since he left, but Ray cried.  
He knew he had made the right choice, but that didn't make it hurt any less.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can find me on Tumblr at Supertinydom!  
> Comments are love <3


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath.

"He's gone."

Gavin whispered those words over and over to himself, trying to convince himself it was true. As he glanced about the room it became evident he wasn't the only one doing just that; they all were in their own different ways.  
Geoff was sipping at his empty glass, staring at the kitchen as if that could bring him another drink. He wouldn't get one, Gavin knew that. Geoff had been trying to cut back on how much he drank after a few, rather heated, arguments with the others.   
Jack was chewing on the nails of one hand, while their other hand twirled their hair around their fingers.  
Ryan looked shocked, Gavin knew that even though he had put the mask on. He hoped it wouldn't be like last time, Ryan had a tendency to break down for weeks on end. He would never once take of the mask, reverting back to the Vagabond to hide his hurts.  
Michael chewed at his lip with vengeance, as if gnawing a hole in his already bleeding lip would change anything. After being with him for so long he knew a violent outbreak would follow. Gavin just hoped he wouldn't hurt himself.  
Jeremy was rocking back and forth slightly, digging his nails into his palms. Gavin could swear there was blood building up under his fingernails.

Michael snapped first, turning on Gavin.

"Stop it, we all know he left for fucks sake would you stop-" Michael's voice cracked, and he licked up the blood pooling on his lip. "Would you stop saying that." His voice was quieter, now, his brown eyes swimming in tears.

"Hey, hey c'mere," Geoff set down his empty glass to hold Michael, wrapping his arms around him as he sobbed. "Shh, it'll be okay, baby, it's all gonna be okay."

Geoff gently smoothed Michael's hair, petting it softly.

They broke after that, falling into a hug around Geoff. 

None of them were sure when exactly the transition from couch to bed was made, they just remember little bits.  
Geoff picked up and carried Gavin to the bedroom, as he was clinging too tight and Geoff didn't have the heart to pry him off.  
Michael followed the two of them, still clutching Geoff's sleeve.  
Jeremy reminded them to take off their jackets and jeans before crawling into bed, doing the same himself.  
Gavin simply clung to Geoff, only letting go to take off his jewelry when prompted by 'lil J.  
Ryan flicked on the nightlight, taking a moment of consideration before removing his mask. He slept better without it on anyway. He crawled into bed around Jeremy after washing the smeared makeup off his face.  
Jack turned off the light before snuggling in beside them, closing their eyes and feigning sleep.

***

It had been some time before they all realized none of the others were actually asleep. Thoughts were racing in all of their minds above sixty miles an hour and showed no signs of slowing down anytime soon.

"You all awake?" Geoff croaked, finally accepting that he wouldn't be getting any sleep.

Jack sighed, moving her face from where it had been, nuzzled into Jeremy's shoulder.

"Yep," they replied, noting Jeremy's eyes opening. "Pretty sure we're all still up."

Sighing, Geoff carded his fingers through Gavin's hair. He knew he was awake, hands shaking slightly in a way Geoff now saw.

"Fuck, I need a drink." Geoff muttered softly, letting his head fall back onto his pillow. 

At that Ryan, his face dimly lit by the nightlight, peered up over Michael. His concerned gaze met Geoff's eyes, deep lines etched under his eyes. Ryan didn't sleep much, that Geoff knew, but rarely did he look so tired.

"I just want to get so high I can't remember my own damned name, to be honest." Gavin murmured against Geoff's chest.   
They could all hear the tears welling up in his eyes as he spoke.

"I was going to suggest that we go out for drinks. You know, to celebrate or some shit," Michael sighed, rolling over to face Ryan. "But that doesn't exactly sound like the best idea."

Michael curled closer to Ryan, pressing an ear to his chest to listen to Ryan's heart. Ryan absentmindedly pet Michael's hair.

"I'm glad you didn't, I don't think I would have been able to refuse- let alone stop drinking." Geoff admitted with another sigh, letting the tension release from his body.

"I love you guys." Jeremy said, wrapping his arms a little tighter around Jack. 

Jack in turn scooted them closer to Geoff, who smiled and put his arms out, holding his partners on both sides close. Ryan leaned into the touch, holding Michael to his chest with one hand, with the other resting on Gavin's shoulder.

They stayed like that for a long time, comforting each other until they all fell asleep.

***

Michael was in the ring.  
People screamed and cheered all around him- he could recognize faces in the crowd.  
Geoff stood almost to the edge of the ring, leaning forward as he cheered. A bottle of Jack Daniels was in one hand- the other held a stack of money. Jack stood a ways back, only their hair visible through the crowd. Ryan yelled at him, his voice loud and threatening. Gavin screamed from his place beside Geoff. Jeremy yelled out through the crowd- no, it was a mob at this point- chanting and screaming for the fight. They all cheered for the other side- Michael's opponent.

Michael looked up at the other man.  
Unmistakably- without the shadow of a doubt it was Ray. Except Ray didn't fight- he didn't even know how. Ray didn't have that sadistic grin, Ray didn't have blood on his tightly wrapped knuckles.

"You don't have to fight me." Ray taunted, his mouth twisting into a snarling laugh. "You won't fight me."

Michael couldn't. There was no way he could hurt Ray- he loved Ray. He would never fight him- he could never fight him.  
Michael found himself unable to drop his guard, unable to exit the ring because of the forming mob.

"You don't have to fight me. You can just let it go, except you can't, can you? You never learned how to control yourself. Admit it, you're an animal." Ray's words were twisted into a growl, taunting him as they circled.

Michael didn't want to hurt him, he couldn't hurt him. There was no way he could- he wasn't like that. He didn't hurt the people he loved.

"We both know that's not true. We both know YOU are the reason I wanted out." Ray's eyes glowed with fire.

Michael's sight went red, all he could hear was that snarl- and all he wanted to do was prove it wrong.

"You're not Ray!" He tried to justify as he lunged forward.

A scream pierced the air.  
Too familiar a scream, Michael had heard it far too many times. Not the scream of a beast but that of an innocent.

Ray stood cowering before him- blood trickling from his nose. The crowd was gone now- the only ones there were the Fakes. He could feel the anger in heir eyes- the hatred.  
Then they were all gone.

***

Michael's eyes flew open, burying his face further into Ryan's chest to bury the scream rising in his throat.

"You don't have to fight me. You can just let it go, except you can't, can you? You never learned how to control yourself. Admit it, you're an animal." Ray still mocked in his mind. "We both know that's not true. We both know YOU are the reason I wanted out."

Michael didn't sleep after that, Ray's voice plaguing him long into the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can find me on Tumblr at Supertinydom!  
> Comments are love!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reputation and escalation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Haha... This doesn't feel like screaming into the void...

Ray was fine.

Even without the Fakes his reputation was enough to carry him through. After all, almost any amount seemed reasonable when paying for your own protection. Having Brownman as your sniper may be expensive, but it was well worth the money to his clients.

He fell back into the business fairly easily. Not much had changed, really all that was different was that he wasn't tied down to any one side.  
Ray had forgotten how much he had missed taking assassination assignments. Geoff didn't like it, and he never really argued against it. Ray understood Geoff's point, though. While it was money, if anyone knew who did it they would trace it back to the Fakes. They may have been the most formidable crew except GG, but a gang war was never a good idea.  
Gosh, had he missed this though.  
Perched carefully on the rooftop, Ray scanned for the target in the specified building. He had read the room number so many times it was memorized, the location easy to find. A window was open, a soft light shining from inside the room.  
As the sun went down the temperature was sure to drop, it wouldn't be too long until the target got up to close the window. It was just a matter of waiting him out at this point.  
A light breeze blew overhead, dusty but cool. The sky was cast all sorts of yellows and oranges at the horizon, fading to a murky grey blue. The sky was never really clear in Los Santos, pollution clouds always boiling overhead. In such warm weather Ray could be waiting for some time.  
That was part of sniping, though. It wasn't in the heat of battle, but it wasn't really the sidelines. Rather, it was an odd in between, requiring a strange combination of ruthlessness and patience. The ruthlessness you needed so you wouldn't overthink, a necessary piece when you waited for so long for a single shot, one that couldn't miss its mark.  
You needed patience because it's boring as dicks.  
Ray missed the incessant chatter through his comm link, the ever present squawks and cursing. It was lonely without them. The way Jack checked in with them all periodically, Ryan's laugh, the muffled laughter, the way they all screamed 'Little J'...

"No, you need to focus." Ray muttered to himself, gazing through the scope once more.

The target showed himself in the window soon after, a hole appearing in his head upon his appearance.

"Didn't even have to break the window." Ray remarked to himself, quickly disassembling his gun.

***

"Well of course it can't be anytime soon! It's not like I'm planning for next month!" Geoff exclaimed as Jack shut his laptop, swatting at their hand.

"You're overthinking it, we don't need to have it all planned." Jack's lips were pursed as they pressed a kiss to Geoff's forehead, holding him there for a moment.

Geoff leaned into the touch, letting his eyes drip shut.

"I just need a plan, so I know it'll all work out." Geoff exhaled, looking up at Jack.

"We both know that it's not the wedding you're worrying about working out." Jack sighed, pulling Geoff into a gentle hug when his shoulders slumped.

"I know, I know," Geoff murmured into Jack's shirt, holding them as tight as he dared. "I just don't want to lose any... I don't want to lose any more of you."

Jack pressed their eyes shut as they ran a hand through Geoff's hair.

"You're not going to lose us, Geoff. You're not going to lose any of us." Jack said, gently releasing him.

"Thanks, Jack." Geoff leaned back into his chair. "But you know, I could have lost progress with you shutting my computer like that."

Jack let out a soft laugh, ruffling Geoff's hair. 

"I wouldn't have shut it if I thought you'd lose anything."

Geoff chuckled, half-heartedly batting away their hand.

"I love you." He said as Jack turned to leave the room. 

"My fiancée." He added with an almost childish giggle.

"I love you too." They laughed over their shoulder, a smile lighting up their face.

***

Ryan took extra care painting the skull pattern on his face, mindful of every stroke.

-

It was in Ryan's shitty old apartment- too long ago for details to seem very clear.  
Ray was sitting on the bathroom counter as Ryan drew on his face paint, careful to not smudge it.

"What's with the paint?" Ray asked, but his voice had been a bit higher then- and lacking the slightly gravelly quality years and years of smoking would give him.

Ryan shrugged, simply continuing to draw on the nose.

"Like seriously, you wear a mask on top of it, so why the paint?" Ray continued, trying to pull Ryan's attention.

Ryan would have regretted paying him no mind if Ray hadn't slid off the counter then- moving forward to grab Ryan by the jacket collar. Ray moved up onto his tiptoes- he was shorter then- pulling Ryan down as he did. With a sly grin their lips connected, smearing the paint on Ray. Neither seemed to mind, continuing the kiss.  
When they did pull away Ryan laughed. Ray's mouth had been painted black and white- little bits of it in his teeth as well.

"You know, if I don't get an answer I'm going to have to make something up." Ray laughed, wiping some of the smudged paint from Ryan's mouth.

Ray sighed, eventually giving up on Ryan's silence.

"Come on- let's go." He grabbed his pink rifle on his way out of the bathroom, turning to give Ryan a wink.

Ray never did get an answer.

-

Normally, he didn't don the paint under his mask for simple jobs- but this felt different. The paint, the mask, they were layers to protect himself from unwanted eyes. It was a sort of protection beyond the obvious, a security he knew he could fall back on. A strength that was always found within when he wore it, and right now he needed to be strong.  
Jack wouldn't admit how much they were hurting, but Ryan could see their pain. They were always so compassionate, putting the others first to deal with their own needs.  
Michael had been going to the gym with Jeremy more and more. Working out the confusion and hurt and anxiousness with their fists.  
Geoff turned back to his work most days, and when there wasn't a heist to plan, or numbers to be calculated he turned to wedding planning. He seemed just as nerve wrecked as the rest of them, trying to busy himself with anything but a bottle.  
Gavin was, by far, taking it the worst. Or at least outwardly so, Ryan thought to himself grimly, painting a black stripe over his lip. To his credit, however, Ryan hadn't caught him intoxicated since that Sunday.  
He wondered how long that would last.

Sighing, Ryan painted the last of the teeth onto the skull. Careful not to smudge any of it, he pulled on his mask. Before he left the door he shrugged on his jacket.

Half hoping and half dreading that he would see the familiar pink sniper rifle through a window.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can find me on Tumblr at Supertinydom!  
> Be sure to hit that kudos button- or even leave a comment if you feel up to it! <3


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sparring, planning and more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Be sure to check out my- far happier- fic, Ray the Pie Ghost! It's got a new chapter today as well.

A month had passed, and still none of Geoff's planning had worked out. If he planned a heist something else came up. If he even thought about an ideal wedding day- it was pushed back.  
He hadn't made much progress, nothing made Gavin flee the room as quickly as talking about the wedding, and Michael was always quick to follow. While the others did humor him on occasion, those discussions always ended with being told to stop stressing so much.  
Damn, Geoff was regretting putting a limit on how much he was allowed to drink now.   
As the liquor passed his lips all he could think about was how much he missed Ray. He would never have listened to him, the prick, and he wouldn't have tolerated half of Geoff's ideas, either. Somehow he always managed to make everyone get along, though. Even if it was by making a joke at Geoff's expense.  
It's been too long to still be missing him like this, Geoff though to himself. But in the whiskey he could taste Ray's kiss, the way he would recoil and tell him that he had drank too much. Geoff would tell him that he had smoked too much, and Ray would just laugh.  
Geoff could still hear that damned laugh, his smug "Maybe I did."  
He could still feel the lazy morning kisses, that lopsided smile he loved waking up to.  
Damn, he thought, I need another drink.

***

"I guess I used to think of you as the more angry one, the one who's more likely to-" Geoff swallowed. "To leave."

Ryan's laugh carried through the air at Geoff's comment. It was an uncommon sound, cutting through the air like a knife it almost carried through the whole city. Standing on the roof together though, made it feel as if there was no city there, just them.

"Everyone always assumes that I'm the angry one, that I'm the one you need to look out for," He chuckled, running a gloved hand through his long, blonde hair. "They always overlook Ray, and always for the same reasons; he's small, he looks weak, he looks too young to be doing what he does. How they all miss it is rather terrifying, but it only attests to how well Ray works."

Geoff looked at Ryan in confusion, cocking his head to the side and raising an eyebrow. 

"When you see him you see a teenager; apathetic, young, and foolish. Even the LSPD don't see him as much of a face to be reckoned with. Just another kid you see in passing, gone from your memory in an instant. Perfect for a sniper, even in bright colors he's invisible. Proven by that hot pink rifle of his."

Ryan took another drag of his cigarette in between his rambling, staring off into the distant skyline.

"They don't see they rage that boils behind his eyes, the unpredictability. Back when it was just us I used to think he had no loyalties whatsoever- that he was just an angry kid who wanted revenge on the city."

"And now?" Geoff asked, studying Ryan's face dutifully.

"Now I know it's true. As soon as he wants out he leaves, I guaranteed it, once. He takes what he wants from the world and won't apologize one damn bit for it," He took another drag. "That's why, even if I kill more, even if I look older and stronger, Ray is always the one to look out for. Because if he doesn't want you to, you'll never see him coming." Ryan seemed finished, staring out blankly, as if unseeing.

Geoff was surprised to see tears pooling in his eyes.

"C'mere," Geoff whispered, pulling Ryan into a hug. "It's okay."

Ryan didn't protest, falling into his embrace. Geoff could feel the tears soaking through the shoulder of his shirt, he could hear Ryan's muffled breath catching.

"I know. I... Thanks, Geoff." Ryan pulled away from the hug, wiping his eyes and quickly neutralizing his facial expression.

It was as if he never cried as he went back inside the penthouse, and Geoff wondered just how long he could hold out.

***

Gavin paced back and forth, alone in the bedroom. It wasn't as if he hadn't considered getting married before, and it wasn't as if he didn't want to.   
So why did he feel so scared about it?  
Wringing his hands together as he paced, his thoughts were flying by at a hundred miles an hour. He loved all of them, right? Then why was he so hesitant?  
They had always joked around about getting married, but mostly it had felt like just that- jokes. Sometimes it had even stung how joking it felt, how unlikely it was that it would happen.  
He just wanted to run away, to get as far away as he could. 

Like Ray did.

No, he couldn't do that. All his life he had been running, but there had always been something to run away from. Being married to the loves of his life wasn't something to run away from. It wasn't like-  
No, he wasn't going to think like that right now. He couldn't afford to be living in the past.  
The thoughts and images flashed by regardless, subtle reminders of what he had left behind. Hearing the things they had said, the things they all said...  
So Gavin popped another pill on his mouth, hoping for it to all slow down.

***

As Michael and Jeremy sparred they both knew there was something more than simply keeping in shape.  
Jeremy ducked around Michael's swing, seeing the rage in his face, the fire burning behind his eyes. The punch too, was far too real for training. They both fought as if it was real, the boundaries becoming oddly shifted as the fight went on. Gears shifted in their minds from 'partner' to 'opponent.'  
Of course, Jeremy couldn't judge him too much. He had asked to spar with the very intention of blowing some steam.  
Jeremy smirked at the thought, easily dodging a blow that would have landed on his left cheek. However, overconfident and out of the moment from his thoughts he didn't see the back swing Michael made with his elbow until it was too late, recoiling at the hit. Blood shot down from his nose, dripping down into his mouth as he glared back up at Michael, recovering quickly from the hit.

That wasn't right.  
Michael stood shell-shocked, eyes wide as he looked from Jeremy's bloodied face to his own hands. He stood like that for a full minute, his face horrified. 

"Michael?" Jeremy stepped forward toward him.

Michael looked up at him, but he seemed distant. It was as if he looked straight through Jeremy, seeing something- or someone, else.  
A strangled noise made its way up his throat.

Then he ran.

Out of the circle, grabbing his jacket and pulling out his keys as he did. Shrugging the jacket on as he did, he ran out of the building.  
Jeremy caught up with him in time to see him drive off on his motorcycle, unable to do a thing about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can find me on Tumblr at Supertinydom!  
> Comments are love <3


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ray

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I totally forgot to update on Saturday... Welp. Here it is.

Ray didn't know what to do.

He had all but forgotten what his life has been like all those years ago. Of course, those habits had been broken long ago for the Fakes.   
Anything for them, right?  
His habits were replaced by theirs. Still he would check to make sure the nightlight he no longer owned was on, still he would check to see if they had any lactose-free milk for Michael, and still he brewed far too much coffee because in his mind he knew Geoff would steal his cup.  
It was going to take a while.  
Especially when he still had to remember that there was no one curled up around a book in his bed, no one to talk to when the nights got long. 

But he hadn't forgotten how he lived before. Of course, now he could afford to live like that.  
He could afford to never go through a day sober, living and breathing smoke.  
He could afford games and consoles without stealing them from GameStop, and the time required to play them all.  
He could afford clean razors for his skin, and proper bandaging. If he ever really used the bandaging, that was.  
Perhaps those habits would retake the ones gained with the Fakes.  
Maybe it would all go back to the way it used to be, or maybe it already had. People came and went without a second thought, all that changed was his prices and how lonely he was. 

***

It was late Saturday night, Meg and Ray sitting together on the floor. She drank, he smoked, but they both washed the taste of previous crews out of their mouths. For Meg it was The Roosters, for Ray it was The Fakes. Both had left in good spirits, just wanting more, finding that the crew life didn't fully satisfy.   
So now they indulge in their vices and the treat of shared experiences.

"None of it was ever real, and that's the funny thing, isn't it?" Ray laughed, taking another hit before continuing with his rant.

Meg nodded, turning her attention toward him as he spoke.

"None of it was ever really real. As a criminal like, at first you think it means doing whatever you want, right? But it starts to feel like the opposite after a while. Or maybe that's just when you're in a crew." Ray paused for a breath.

Meg took another swig straight from her bottle.

"I guess I don't really know. I've never actually been like this before, fully on my own. It's weird, kinda scary sometimes." Ray exhaled more smoke. "Or at least, not for more than a couple weeks. Rye found me so soon after I started it was like I was never really alone.  
But that's the thing, working in a group they start to have... Expectations, or whatever you want to call them. You have to care for yourself a certain way, you can't get too high or Geoff and Jack'll worry. You can't change up your position, what are you talking about? You're our best sniper. They didn't even need me for some heists, they just dragged me along. They expect you to pull off the same jokes, the same lighthearted banter and they always respond the same way. They expect this... Caricature of who you are, you know? The depressed sniper who can't live without weed and memes. And yeah, I am that, to some degree. But that's really not all I am." Ray ranted with a shake of his head, glancing over at Meg with a question in his eyes.

Meg knew now wasn't the best to go off talking, instead she simply nodded, taking another swig of her drink.

"So that's why I left. I have to... Have some breathing room, to discover just where I want to be. To be able to be just who I want to be. You get that, right?" He asked.

"Yeah, taking off the training wheels. I totally get that. Even when I was just working with Ryan or just working with the Roosters it was... Constricting." Meg gulped down more of the alcohol.

"Yeah, that's the word." Ray sighed. 

"But ya know, I'd rather not talk about them. I'm over working with the Roosters, as good as it was." Meg lay down on the floor. "Doesn't change how empty my apartment feels without them, though." Meg added.

Ray simply closed his eyes in silent agreement.

***

In between seeing old friends time passed for Ray in a blur.  
It was like a dream, time didn't really seem real in his apartment anymore. Sometimes the apartment didn't even seem real, smoke filling the air, the only light in the room pouring from his computer screen. It reminded him of Ryan, unable to sleep unless there was a light on. No one ever cared to explain, they only set up a nightlight in the bedroom. After that Ryan would come and curl himself around them all, his breathing small and soft. They would spend hours like that, awake but neither wanting to move.

Time didn't make sense anymore. Ray only slept when he had to, often slumping forward onto his keyboard. Geoff used to fall asleep like that all the time, well, Ray guessed he still did. He almost looked like he was still awake, hands frozen on the keyboard.  
Ray chuckled.  
Jack would always have to scoop him up and carry him to bed, and he would always murmur something unintelligible before snuggling closer to them.  
No, no he couldn't be thinking about that right now. Shutting his computer Ray went up to the roof, hoping some clearer thoughts would come there.

***

-

The night had been dark and Ray and Michael laid on the roof of an apartment building. The stars were cloaked, hidden by the polluted Los Santos air, thick and heavy. It was almost funny the way stars were smothered here, as if they had flickered out and died. So much like so many hopes and dreams, killed in this violent city. All of the innocent lives extinguished.  
Ray would say they were taken before their time. Michael would argue that everything had purpose, that everyone died for a reason.  
The air was warm but calm, an unremarkable night sometime in the middle of June.  
Michael and Ray laid there often, heads resting on their hands, facing skyward. Even though they couldn't see the stars they looked up to heaven as if they could. As if by happenstance they would see some mark, or some sign up there.  
Lost in their own thoughts, alone save for each other and the soft glow of the street lamps.

"I'm going to burn the world to the ground." Michael breathed, not a sliver of doubt in his voice.

Ray looked over, taking in the sight of Michael as he laid there. His eyes caught the light from the street lamp a little ways down, set alight with oranges and reds. The light illuminated the bruises on his cheek, the freckles underneath, the hickies on his neck and his futile attempts to hide them all. Ray wanted to commit everything to memory, the way Michael's lashes fluttered, his lips slightly ajar. The rise and fall of his chest as he breathed in the still air. He wished now that he remembered each detail less vividly, that he couldn't still see Michael's eyes burning.  
It was uncommon for a night to be so quiet, so devoid of sirens. The Fakes had taken the night off, surely noticed and appreciated by the LSPD.

"I know you will." Ray said with a smile, blinking languidly.

"No, I'm serious. Someday, someday I'll tear it all down." Michael's voice quivered in anger, his face solid. His hands curled weakly into fists.

Ray chucked, staring back up to the sky. He knew the things Michael still dwelled on, the nights when sneaking out like this hadn't been so easy, when those bruises weren't signs of victory.

-

"I never doubted you for a second." Ray whispered now, his voice torn away by the wind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can find me on Tumblr at Supertinydom!  
> Comments are love <3


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Fakes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is late- things are a bit weird at the moment.

Jack knew something was wrong before they even read the text message.  
The minute they heard the chime of Jeremy's text tone they could feel it. Again the tone went off before Jack could grab their phone.

Jeremy: (Michael's gone)

Jeremy: (Jack he ran and I don't know what to do)

Jack: (Where are you?)

They grabbed their keys, sliding on a pair of flip flops as they texted.

Jeremy: (Still down by the ring)

Jeremy: (He took the bike)

Jack: (I'll be right there)

Jack drove as fast as they dared, keeping an eye out for Michael's signature jacket and curls as they went. In no time they made it to the ring, rolling up beside Jeremy, who stood outside.  
Even from a distance Jack could tell he didn't look good. Sweat plastered his hair to his forehead, his eyes wide as a deer in the headlights. Blood trickled from his nose down his face, dripping onto his still-bare chest. His hands shook and flapped, and he rocked back and forth on his ankles in a futile attempt to calm down.  
Jogging forward, Jeremy made his way to the car, quickly hopping in the passenger seat. He made an effort to calm his breathing, unconsciously reaching for Jack's hand.  
He took a deep breath.

"I don't- I don't know what happened. He-" Jeremy swallowed, regaining some of his composure. "He hit me. We were sparring and he got a good blow in to my face. Then he just, he seemed to panic."

Jeremy met Jack's eyes for a moment, as if to ask if he was making sense. Jack nodded, eyes turning back to the road with a worried expression.

"He froze for a moment- but it wasn't like other times. Normally, you know, it's when he gets hit- and he curls up into a ball until it's over, you know that. But instead he seemed to zone out, then he just bolted." Jeremy's voice grew more and more tense as he spoke. "I didn't know what to do. I let him go."

Jack took a deep breath, placing their hand gently on Jeremy's thigh. Partially to calm him, partially to hide the way their hands shook with worry. 

"I only know where he might be- we can check there. But if he's not in any of those places I know he'll make his way back home. Sooner or later he always comes back." They reassured.

Keeping their eyes steady and their voice level was an effort, but Jack forced themself to be strong for Jeremy. They knew he couldn't handle it if they were to panic as well.

"I just don't want to lose him." Jeremy finally said in a quiet voice.

Jack didn't reply, they only blinked the tears out of their eyes.

***

They wouldn't find him.  
Michael knew that much as he sped down the streets on his motorcycle, weaving in between cars at breakneck speed. Only Geoff would have known about the place he was going, and even he wouldn't think he would go back. Somewhere inside Michael knew he should go to the penthouse- he should talk to them.   
No, no he couldn't.  
He had hit Jeremy.  
Yeah, they sparred all the time. Countless times they had hurt each other, but that was different, he had never meant it. Now, with blood on his knuckles Michael wasn't so sure. All he ever did was hurt people, no matter where he went.

"You never learned how to control yourself. Admit it, you're an animal." Ray's growl repeated in his head- that same dream having plagued him almost every night.

Barely skidding to a stop before he hopped off the bike Michael went inside the broken down warehouse. Nothing remained of what it had once been but broken bottles and the lingering stench of alcohol, sex, and death.  
No, he didn't deserve to go back penthouse.  
Not yet, at least.

The unsaid words "Just like her." Ring at the end of Ray's statement.

***

Sometimes Jeremy thought being a fake was the rush of adrenaline, the money, the power, but no matter what happened he found himself wrong. 

Being a Fake was holding Gavin when he tripped into the room, pupils fluttering and skin burning with fever. It's seeing Geoff trying to calm him down and get him to unclench his jaw as he sweats and cries on the living room floor, writhing in his hyper-sensitivity.

Being a Fake is watching Michael fumble into the penthouse clutching a stab wound in his side, trying to convince everyone that it's not that bad, that he's okay. It's the bruises on his face that you know are mirrored onto every other part of his body. It's the fistful of money in his hand, soaked through with blood. The scared look in his eyes as he refuses to let anyone touch him, rushing instead to the bathroom to tend his own wounds.

Being a Fake is watching the resolve in Geoff's eyes crumble as he wants so badly to hold his boys close. It's hearing Jack call Caleb to deal with the wound, sensing the way they swallow their own emotion. It's seeing Ryan flee the penthouse to the roof, too overwhelmed and scared to stay. It's smelling the smoke on his clothes when he returns, and knowing he quit smoking months ago.  
Being a Fake is having to wait, powerless as your lovers destroy themselves. It's knowing that such bright flames can't burn forever.

Jeremy's eyes began to well up with tears.

"No, I'm fine! Don't call Caleb- Just stay away from me!" Michael's voice was rough and raw as he yelled.

Blood dripped from his side onto the living room floor, the shirt around the wound saturated with it.

"Please, just stay away from me-" Michael choked "I don't want to hurt any of you, I shouldn't... Shouldn't be here..." With a pained cry he collapsed to the ground.

"No, no I'm- fine 'm jus... Really happy..." Gavin's words slurred as he tried to speak, limbs weak as he tried to wrestle out of Geoff's embrace.

It was too much.  
Jeremy began to cry, his hands shaking as he stood up. Getting the first aid kit, he sat down beside Michael, doing his best to stop the bleeding. Michael was too weak to protest much, still sobbing as he clutched the wound.

"No, no Jeremy, you can't-" he his breath shuddered. "All I do is hurt you. All I ever do is hurt you guys."

After that his words lost all coherence, just sad sobs as he bled onto the floor, waiting for the medic.

***

It took another two hours for Gavin to come off his high. Geoff sat with him the whole time, gently carding his fingers through Gavin's hair. Somewhat puzzled but mostly tired, Gav dozed off after only a little while of seeming alert. It was a relief to see him so relaxed again, his body no longer tensing and having spasms.  
By the time Gavin was out. Michael had cried himself to sleep, bandaged and cleaned up by Caleb. 

"It's not too serious a wound- just bloody. Make sure he doesn't move around too much and tear his stitches." Caleb stated, gathering his things. "I hopped him up on some painkillers anyway, though. He'll be a bit loopy when he comes to- or just upset."

"Thank you," Jack smiles, but there is no joy in it.

Caleb only nods on his way out, accepting his pay.

Geoff carries Gavin to bed, careful to not disturb him. As he sleeps his face is so calm, mouth slightly ajar and eyelids fluttering. What could have happened if he had decided to take more Geoff knew, but he wasn't ready to think about that. Not when Michael had also come home, bloody and broken. Not when Jeremy was still crying on the floor. He couldn't stand to lose another one of his boys.  
Inside Geoff wondered if he could go through with the wedding, if he could be with them until the end.   
But looking down at Gavin sleeping soundly in his arms, seeing Jack gingerly pick up Michael and carry him to the guest room, noting Ryan curled up and snoring softly in the corner of the room Geoff knew that he couldn't be anywhere else.

In sickness or in health.

'Till death do us part.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can find me on Tumblr at Supertinydom!  
> Comments are love <3


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ray

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is late- life gets difficult and I needed the break.  
> Plus- I accidentally deleted this chapter and had to rewrite it.  
> Enjoy!

Ray bandaged his wounds before the heist- haphazardly wrapping gauze around one cut in particular. It wouldn't be much of a problem- the job was a low-level thing with a stupid crew, and he wouldn't have to move around too much- but this one damn cut wouldn't stop bleeding.  
Eventually he just decided to forget it- slapping a few colorful bandaids over it and the smaller cuts lining his arms. The inside of his hoodie is already bloodstained, leaving them be couldn't make too much of a difference.  
He wouldn't be worrying about this heist at all if his hands would stop shaking. As it was his usually surgeon-still hands quivered with an intense ferocity.  
Gosh, he needed a hit to calm him down. Cutting may give him that cloudy feeling but it did nothing for how his body shook.  
Oh well.  
With a sigh he grabbed his sniper rifle and his bong- he would leave to meet that crew in a few minutes. For now, he headed up to the roof.  
He needed this right now.

***

Wishing he was less sober and anywhere else in the world, Ray took easy shots at the people below. All he was there for was to take care of the excess cops and any civilians that got in the way- which pretty much amounted to sitting staring through the scope of his rifle for hours on end with no break. The heist was sloppily put together, too. No precautions about civilian casualties or collateral damage.  
What fucking idiots. At least when the fakes destroyed everything in their path they did it on purpose-  
No.  
No, he wasn't allowed to think about that. He was getting paid- that's what mattered.  
Ray sighed, peering through the scope once more to take a shot at a police officer. They went down with a hole through their head- blood spattering onto the car they were barricaded behind. Stupid of them to think they were safe like that.

A civilian family walked by- seemingly oblivious to anything going on- or perhaps they just didn't care. Banks being robbed weren't exactly out of the ordinary. Ray found his sights lingering on them- damn if the woman didn't look like Ryan with his hair down. The man held their child's hand, and he looked too much like Jeremy- if Jeremy were taller, that is. He had the same broad shoulders and dark curls, a light smile on his face.

It wasn't the first time Ray had thought about shooting the crew. Not even the first time he had planned to.  
At first it had just been Ryan- and wherever Ray went he carried the two bullets with his name written on them. One for his handgun and one for his sniper rifle; so that he would have options if the unspeakable happened.  
After a while he ditched the handgun- no one ever hired him unless it was as a sniper, anyway.  
When they started to work for Geoff the others were added for a total of five- Ryan, Geoff, Jack, Michael, and Gavin all neatly sharpied onto the casings.  
When Jeremy joined the crew Ray wasn't sure if he could do it. Jeremy was so... Good. He was so happy, but no matter how much it hurt Ray would have to do it. If something were to happen- if one were to betray them- Ray would be ready. Plus- at first it had been the same way with Jack, you just have to shut out the attachment.  
After all-the others all have additional ties. Geoff to the Roosters and Griffon, Jack to practically everyone in Los Santos, Ryan to whatever secret organization he refuses to speak of, Gavin has Dan and anyone he decides he wants, and Jeremy has his blood ties to the Boston Mafia.  
And Michael always has whatever scum he started from- underground fighting and worse.

They could- no, they would all betray him, sell out the crews information and leave him. It didn't matter if Ray loved them once- they were all liars and cheaters. That's what they do best. It's why they're such a damn good crew and such a tight knit family. People protect their own.

Sneering, Ray fixed his scope on the family once more, settling the aim over the father.  
Yeah, it would be easy.

Shoot Geoff while he's at his desk and he would slump forward- as if he's sleeping. He always used to fall asleep like that, too. No one would notice what had happened until they saw the blood soaking into his paperwork- his sleepy eyes glossed over.

Get Jack while they're driving- a tough shot for most people but the blood spattered on the window would be well worth it. They always look so untouchable when they're driving- the light turning their hair to flames. Who knows- maybe the crash would form a huge wreck; a mass grave of fire and metal. They'd go out with a bang, alright.

Ryan would be difficult with that damn mask- he would have to get him through the neck or through the eye. Watch the blood trailing down- dripping from the Vagabond until he falls. He's always considered such a legend- a mere ghost or shadow. Gone in an instant.

With Michael there's only one option: strait through the forehead. As he stands victorious in a fight- letting out his signature yell the round mark would appear on his head. He would fall just like that; the champion now the defeated. He wouldn't even know what hit him- no opportunity to fight back.

Red and gold always look so good together- the blood streaming from the side of the Golden Boy's head. It would spatter against his computer- he would fall down onto it and the blood would fill the keyboard. He was regarded by so many as perfect- a young immortal killed in his own home.

He didn't want to kill Jeremy but it would have to be done, the bullet cutting him off mid-laugh. Maybe blowing a hole in that stupid hat of his- or a clean shot to the spinal cord. Something fast and easy- not even enough time to react.

He could do it- no problem.

He pulled the trigger.

***

Police and civilians alike lined the streets as the gang scattered- no, they were only corpses now. The money had been acquired, a voice on Ray's comm said- it was time to get back to the rendezvous point.

Ray routinely scanned the street once more for complications before packing up his gun- disassembling it and putting the pieces into the 'modified' guitar case he used for inconspicuous transport. He would have to clean it later, though.  
He worked quickly- too late to the rendezvous and he wouldn't get his share of the money. No matter how infamous you were crews always tried to slight you.

Ray bit his lip as he hefted the heavy case onto his shoulder, stretching out his back for a moment. Squeezing his eyes shut, he wished to be less sober- not the first time he had since he started this job. He blinked his eyes a couple of times before heading back down the building, holding tight to the small access ladder on the exterior.   
Wind whipped his hoodie and hair, drying the tears that he hadn't realized were on his cheeks.  
He probably should have been more careful- descend from the interior of the building, or at the very least have taken off his hoodie. Sure, all the cops he saw down there were dead- but that never meant that more weren't coming. Hell, any punk kid who thought he was something would try to shoot down Brownman if it was this easy of a shot.  
Ray found that he didn't really care- only going a bit faster on his way down the ladder.

I mean- YOLO, right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can find me on Tumblr at Supertinydom! Or even my art blog, Supertinyart!  
> Comments are love <3


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The crew

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I... Well then. A bit of healing.

When Jack woke up it was with the biggest headache of the century. Their back and legs ached as well, and it took a moment to realize where they were. In the spare bedroom, Michael was lying on the bed they were kneeling beside. His face was pale, bandages wrapped around his middle.  
Everything came flooding back.  
Last night, the stab wound, Gavin...

Tears threatened to form in Jack's eyes, but they blinked them away. They had to be strong for their boys and Ryan. Rubbing their eye with one hand, they held Michael's with the other. They had been holding his hand all night, and they didn't plan to let go.

"What...?" Michael mumbled some time later, letting go of Jack's hand to rub the sleep out of his eye.

He tried to sit up, but Jack placed a firm hand on his shoulder.

"Shh, slowly." They said soothingly, helping him sit.

"What happened, did I-" Michael looked down, then at Jack; realization dawning on his face.

"I- I-" tears began to well up in his eyes. "I hurt Jeremy, didn't I."

It wasn't a question the way he said it, light leaving his eyes as he spoke. Not concerned about his own damages- only Jeremy's. Jack shushed him gently, wiping the tears from his eyes. 

"He's okay, and he forgives you. We all do." They said, brushing his bangs from his face.

"He shouldn't." Michael's voice darkened, making a weak attempt to push away Jack's hand.

He couldn't, and Jack continued to stroke his hair to calm him.

"No, you know that's not true." They whispered. "We all love you."

"Yeah, but-" Michael swallowed. "But I-"

Jack shushed him again, pulling his close for a hug. Michael resisted for only a moment, relenting to the embrace. He began to cry, softly trying to stifle it.

Jack breathed comforting words, rubbing gentle circles into his back.

"I love you too." Michael finally choked, relaxing into Jack's warm arms.

***

After Michael had calmed down the two of them joined the others in the main bedroom. They all sat together on the bed, save for Gavin who was lying down. He stared blankly at the wall before licking his chapped lips, opening them to break the silence.

"I know, Geoff proposed and Ray left, it's all just so-" he swallowed, pulling himself up to sit. "So much happening. And I- I can remember in the aftermath feeling too much and just-" he choked on a sob, but wiped his eyes to continue.

"I kept thinking that I would wake up all in bed, a blanket tucked up around me, and all my boys, Rye, and Jack would be sitting around me. I would look down and there wouldn't be a gold ring on my finger- and I would be sad because that part of the dream was so good, but Geoff would still be working up the courage-" Gavin swallowed once more, resting his hands on his legs to get them to stop shaking.

It didn't work.

"And Ray would be there, curled up at my feet the way he does, and you know what he'd say?"

Gavin glanced around at the others, meeting their tearful gazes:

"He'd look me dead in the eye and say 'You were too close to OD-ing that time, a new record' and he'd sound too serious, and I'd laugh because he's a fool. I'd tell him it obviously wasn't close enough because I was waking up with the lot of you and not in hell. And he'd smile and say that thay brewed me a hot cup of tea, and that it'll all be fine-" 

Gavin started sobbing uncontrollably, leaning on Geoff for support. Geoff held him close letting him cry into his shoulder.

"'M sorry," Gavin cried into Geoff's shirt.

"Shh, it'll be okay, it'll all be okay." Geoff murmured into Gavin's hair. "We all miss him, and there's a lot going on..." He paused, fiddling with the ring on his finger. "For all of us." 

Jack put their arm around Geoff, rubbing his back.

"If we keep this to ourselves it's just going to destroy us, too." Jack said softly.

There was a long pause. Ryan broke first. He started crying, wiping his face at first but not bothering after it proved useless against the tears.  
After that they all cried, leaning on each other to reasassure that it would all be okay.

***

It was a while later until any of them were composed enough to talk. Jack removed themself to make them all something to drink before they moved on to talk about other things, knowing that they all needed the energy.

"I guess, commitment is kinda scary to me." Geoff finally said when they were all together in the bedroom again, sipping his coffee. "I've been married twice and still- I think it's one of those things where the more you do it you're worse at it."

Geoff gave a dark chuckle.

"I've never had the best luck either," Michael muttered over his cocoa. "In my experience married couples just end up hating each other or leaving."

"But that's couples," Gavin chuckled. "There are se- six of us."

"Same dif, in the end. I just don't want to hurt you guys." Michael seemed to close in on himself.

"You wouldn't do that." Jeremy said.

Michael looked stunned for a moment.

"What?" He looked up at him.

"I know you wouldn't do that- not for real. You're a good guy, and I know that you could never do something like that." Jeremy explained, scooting closer to Michael.

Michael started "But I hit you-"

"We were fighting, it was different." Jeremy interrupted. "I love you, okay?"

Michael sighed with relief, taking another sip of his cocoa. "I love you, too."

Jeremy smiled at him, leaning a little closer. Michael still seemed wary- but accepted the gesture.

"I guess, I'm just scared of being tied down." Jack admitted. "I've always had a way out, and even though I don't want to get out- it's scary getting myself into something this big."

They took a long drink of their tea, finishing it off. They set the empty mug on the nightstand.

"I don't want to throw it away, or worse- end up running." Jack added, tears forming in their eyes.

"If we need to we can cancel- or at the very least hold it off for a while. I don't want to hurt any of you." Geoff offered, resting his hand on Jack's shoulder.

"Or myself, truthfully." He added.

"Yeah, we should just, like, hold off for a while until we're all put together." Gavin agreed.

A chorus of 'yeah's and, 'that sounds like the best's followed.

Geoff sighed happily, setting down his mug of apple cider. 

"It's gonna work out. It'll be okay." He said.

***

Jack went around and collected all of the mugs, taking them to the kitchen. Setting them in the sink, they could hear Jeremy, Michael, and Gavin playfully bantering, and Ryan messing with Geoff. They turned on the sink with a chuckle.

Yeah, Those guys are all idiots, Jack thought to themself, setting about washing the first mug. I'm never going to leave them, though.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can find me on tumblr at Supertinydom! Or my art blog, Supertinyart!  
> Comments are love <3


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ray

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well then- only three more chapters after this.  
> Can't believe it's already been this long.

Ray's mind wandered as his fingers automatically moved across the controller, moving his character on screen.  
What was he doing? He had been playing this game for hours, and he was out of milk, how long had he been out of milk? Ray had no idea- he didn't even know if he had the money to buy more.  
How long had it been since his last job? Had it been a week already, or had it been two? It couldn't have been that long, he just had cereal for dinner the other night... Or how long ago was that really?  
How long had it been since he last ate, anyway? His stomach grumbled angrily, but he didn't feel hungry. Was that the depression, or had he actually eaten recently?  
The screen went red, the words 'Game Over' flashing across the screen in bold print. How had he died in that game again? It was so easy, he could do it it his sleep.  
With a sigh he set down the controller and headed to the bathroom. A little blood loss would help his thoughts calm down, he though to himself. Maybe he could even sleep, and who knew how long it has been since he had slept.  
He sure as hell didn't.

***

Looking in the mirror scared Ray. 

It didn't usually, he always knew what he would see; little brown kid, glasses and messy hair.  
What he saw now was what had scared him.  
He had always been skinny- somewhere between forgetting to eat and being naturally thin- but he had never looked starving as he did now. His eyes looked sunken, his cheeks were pale and hollow.  
He didn't want to look under the hoodie.  
His beard, which he hadn't shaved in a while, was barely stubble because his hair wasn't growing- or maybe he had shaved.  
He wondered how long it had actually been since he shaved... Or when he had last showered, for that matter. The hair on his head was dirty and messy, curling up and out and every which way imaginable. His glasses almost looked too large and heavy for his face, and they came nowhere close to hiding the deep purple bags under his eyes.   
He looked like a wreck - he couldn't imaging what Jack would do if they saw his like this.

Distracted by his reflection, Ray forgot what he was initially going to do. He left the bathroom, heading to the kitchen instead.  
Sure enough, he was out of milk. The dry bowl of cereal he had begun to pour himself earlier still sat on the counter, next to a half eaten slice of pizza. How long had that been there? Ray couldn't remember ordering pizza- but it seemed to have been a long time ago if the fuzzy white mold on the crust was any indication.  
With a sigh he resigned himself to just eating the cereal dry- he would get milk later.

***

After he finished the bowl Ray checked his pockets. Both for cash, and his phone to see when his last job had been. A crumpled twenty dollar bill and four pennies were found, and that a month had passed. He rechecked the date.  
No, that was right. It had been a month.  
Then how long had he been out of milk? Ray had absolutely no idea.  
He had been emailed and texted about other jobs, though, and it'd be easy enough to set something up.  
He might even be able to convince the crew he was working with to drop him off at Walmart to get milk afterwards.  
Ray chuckled and went to get his sniper rifle, still neatly disguised in its guitar case.   
He would need to run maintenance on it after, it appeared that he hadn't in a while. Dark reddish brown smears covered a great deal of the gun.  
Oh well.  
He closed the case again, leaning it up against the doorway.  
Of course, he didn't have to leave until two in the morning, which gave him... Ray checked his phone once more. Sixteen hours.  
Ray sighed, and made his way to the kitchen to eat that slice of pizza.  
It couldn't be that old.

***

Ray died once more on the same easy level of the same easy game he had beaten so many times before. He knew this game like it was the back of his hand, there was nothing about this level that should be hard.  
And yet he kept dying, trying to fight the same easy enemies over and over again.   
With a frustrated growl he pressed the restart button again, and nearly instantly was killed.   
At this rate he could die in Animal Crossing, for fucks sake. What was wrong with him? The screen just didn't make sense anymore, everything was jumbling around confusingly until it made no sense whatsoever. Maybe that pizza was making him sick.  
With an angered sigh he exited out of the game, not bothering to save his progress.

***

The job was another easy one- simple assassination. He knew exactly who he was shooting for, too. The target wasn't exactly trying to keep himself hidden.  
Ray wasn't worried about being spotted. At parties like these no one was observant or sober enough to look for him- or any other sniper, for that matter.

He knew that well enough.

How long had it been now? Certainly over two years, he had just joined the crew when that had happened. He had barely been with them long enough to be trusted with full sniper duties.

It had been at a party like this, though. Geoff had been drinking and socializing- though perhaps a bit more of the former than the latter- completely unsuspecting. He was caught mid laugh, too. The shot came out of nowhere.  
The window shattered, glass was everywhere. In the middle of the commotion no one noticed Geoff collapse to the floor, blood soaking into his white dress shirt. Only Jack heard his choked cry, rushing to his side as he dropped his glass.  
Time seemed to slow as they called for Michael to call Caleb. They barked orders at the others also. Calling Ryan to Geoff's side, Ray was told to help Gavin to the car.  
He couldn't move.  
Through his time with the fakes they always seemed, well...

They seemed invincible.

Now Geoff was bleeding in the ground from a shot to the stomach. Ray knew it was bad- he'd seen men die too fast from that kind of wound.   
But not Geoff. He was too bright, too loud. He was always too, too much alive to die like that.  
He was pulled back to attention by Gavin, stumbling and tugging on his sleeve. Waveringly they made it to the car.  
Ray didn't know what he would have done if Geoff had died. That was the moment that he realized just how much he loved them, how he couldn't just let them go.

Ray shook his head, pulling his attention back to the party in front of him. There was the target, staggeringly drunk. The target laughed, leaning heavily on one of their lackeys.  
Sucking in a breath, Ray steadied his hands.

He fired.

The man bled out too quickly from the wound- the medic was too late when he arrived.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can find me on Tumblr at Supertinydom! Or even my art blog, Supertinyart!  
> Comments are love <3


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Healing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't believe this is the eleventh little chapter already.... This is pretty cool.  
> Thank you for staying with me for so long! Or for reading this for the first time <3

"Hey, 'lil J, can I talk to you for a minute?" 

Jeremy turned to see Michael standing in the hall. His eyes were a bit downcast, certainly refusing to meet Jeremy's gaze. He could feel his pulse begin to quicken a bit, wracking his mind to find anything Michael would need to talk to him about.

"Sure," he finally said, setting down his X-Box controller. "What'd you wanna talk about?"

"Umm, can we.. Can we go up to the roof to talk?" Michael suggested scratching his neck.

Still he refused to meet Jeremy's eyes.

"Yeah, of course." Jeremy tried to keep the worry from his voice.

What did Michael need to talk about with him privately? And why did he seem so damn nervous? Questions racing through his head Jeremy followed Michael up to the roof, sitting next to him by the edge. Looking down made him dizzy- so he turned his attention to Michael instead.  
To say that he looked anxious was an understatement- he looked scared. His lip was bleeding as a telltale sign that he had been biting it. He wrung his hands over and over, squeezing them together.

How anxious he was certainly wasn't helping Jeremy, who was growing more and more concerned every silent second that passed.

"I just wanted to say that I'm sorry, I'm so damn sorry for everything that went on recently, and I'm not ever going to do that again. I never want to hurt you, and if I do on accident I need you to tell me, I need to deal with it rationally instead of running away like a fucking idiot and causing more problems for everyone. And I- I just wanted to apologize for all that." Michael blurted out, eyes still fixed on his ground below.

"I forgive you, and I believe you. You wouldn't hurt one of us on purpose- I know that." Jeremy said, putting an arm around Michael. "I still love you."

Michael sighed at that, crumbling into the touch.

"Thank you." He whispered, leaning his head against Jeremy's chest.

***

Geoff sat at his desk, typing away at an email. It was amazing how much time had passed- and how quickly it had seemed, too. Months faded by, a full year had come and gone.   
It had been a couple months ago now that they had all gotten together and decided it was time to start planning for the ceremony. Geoff had almost begun his planning instantly, typing away at his computer about this and that. At this moment it was an email to Dan- or a follow up email as Jack made him put it, even though they both knew Gavin hadn't sent the first email.   
Dan would be the last of the 'bridesmaids' and 'groomsmen' they needed to contact, but also the most complicated. Money wasn't an issue with flying him over to the US. The real problem was how well known he was- too well known to just buy him a plane ticket. Jack was willing to fly him over, but the matter of finding a time that worked was more tricky.  
Especially when he has a heist planned on the same weekend as the wedding... Which meant postponing yet again.

Geoff rubbed his temples, pressing send. Hopefully that date would work, now he would have to check with everyone else...  
With a sigh he decided to take a break. What he really wanted was a drink, but some more coffee would suffice.

***

"So. What about color scheme?" Jeremy asked, filling his mouth with food.

Around the dinner table had quickly become a place of discussion about the wedding. More often than not that ended it heated debate, but nothing that wasn't resolved.  
Half the time Jeremy thought Michael was just arguing to get a reaction, but it was all in good humor.

"I was thinking green and black- I mean, they're kinda our colors." Geoff replied.

"Isn't that kinda impersonal, though?" Michael interjected., gesturing with his fork. "Almost no one is gonna be there- we could do different colors."

"Like what?" Geoff asked.

"I was thinking... What about orange and black." Michael gave a shit eating grin.

Ryan choked in an attempt to stifle his laughter, Gavin did a spit take. Everyone else snickered, watching Geoff's face as he rolled his eyes.

"Michael Vincent Jones, we are not doing Fakehaus colors." He said, managing to keep a straight face.

"Pfft, come on, Geoff. Orange is really your color." Michael snickered.

"No. Just, just no." Geoff bit his lip to keep from laughing. "And people are going to be there..."

"Like who?" Ryan asked, raising his eyebrows with a smirk.

"Umm..." Geoff looked over at Jack for help.

Jack sighed.

"The B Team will be there, most of the Roosters, quite of few from GG, and a few other odd people." Jack explained, setting down their fork to count on their fingers.

"What 'bout Ray?" Gavin asked.

Everyone fell silent.

"Have any of you been able to get in contact with him?" Geoff asked.

They all solemnly shook their heads. 

"No." Ryan said, bitterly.

No one dared to speak. It had been well over a year since he had left. They were all okay with it now, they understood that he had to go. But it would be nice to know how he was doing, or at least if he was alive or not.  
Deep inside it still hurt a little bit- but they replaced that with hoping he was happier now.

"I-" Geoff swallowed. "I'll send him an email inviting him. If he doesn't come, so be it. If he does..."

He pushed around the pasta on his plate.

"I hope he does." 

None of the talked for a while after that, continuing to eat in silence. 

"We're going to have to dress nicely, aren't we?" Michael finally ventured.

"The fuck do you think?" Jack laughed, collecting the plates.

"I'm just saying- it'll be all fun until something goes wrong and we're not armed." Michael stated, picking up the silverware.

"Who said we won't be armed?" Ryan said.

"Fair enough." Michael reasoned. "We're not letting you wear your face paint, though."

"Wait, why not?" Ryan asked.

"I hate to break it to you, Rye-Bread," Gavin patted him on the shoulder. "Face paint isn't formal."

He thought this over for a second. 

"What about formal face paint?" Ryan cocked his head to the side.

"That's called makeup." Jeremy piped in with a grin.

They all laughed, Ryan included.

"I guess you're right, then." He smiled.

***

Ray lay awake for hours after that job, the bag with the money still slung over his shoulder, his phone in his hands. It would be so simple to just call, he could do it so easily. He could go back to them.  
Over and over the blood spreading on the targets chest played in his mind, mixing and distorting with his memories of Geoff.

He couldn't do this. 

He couldn't do this.

A notification popped up on his screen. An email.  
Ray opened it.  
It was from Geoff, inviting him to their wedding in a few months.  
He could hear what Geoff had said, the last thing he had said to him so long ago.

"Just know that you always have a home here. The offer is open if you want to come back, we still love you."

The bullet hit, blood spattering onto Geoff's abdomen.

Ray made up his mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can find me on Tumblr at Supertinydom! Or my art blog at Supertinyart!  
> Comments are love <3


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Second to last chapter!  
> Woot woot!  
> The Penultimate StSStL

Jeremy rolled over in bed, grabbing at his phone to turn off his alarm. He wanted to just go back to sleep, but he had to go to the gym. He'd been putting it off too much, and he had promised to go with Michael.  
No sparring this time- just weights. They both thought that would be the best.  
As he turned off the alarm he found it odd there were two missed calls on his phone. Usually he woke up for everything- let alone phone calls. As it was, it was just an unknown number.  
The same unknown number that called twice?  
Oh well- if they needed him they would call back at a reasonable hour.  
Jeremy set down his phone and got up, turning to shake Michael awake.

"C'mon, Michael." Jeremy shook his shoulder. "It's time to get up. We're gonna go work out, remember?"

Michael grunted, lazily shoving away Jeremy as he sat up, swinging his legs over the edge of the bed.

"Fine, just let me get- you're not even dressed yet either, you whore." Michael grunted, slowly standing up to get changed.

Jeremy chuckled nearly silently, careful not to wake up any of his sleeping partners. The missed calls were already pushed to the back of his mind.

***

"Okay, we're sure that date works for everybody?" Jack double checked, pacing the length of Geoff's office. 

Calmly they made a checklist of everything on their fingers, trying to think of any little thing they might have missed.

"Yep, it works for everyone, just checked with Griffon and her girls." Geoff confirmed, scratching the back of his neck.

"And I'm flying out to get Dan three days before the wedding?" Jack paused by his desk to straighten a stack of paper, glancing up at Geoff for an answer.

He looked like a mess, his hair and shirt were disheveled, his eyes droopy and tired. Regardless he looked adorable as ever, twirling his mustache as he thought.

"No, it was four, right? No, no. You're right, it's three," Geoff decided. "It was originally going to be four, then we had to postpone again. It's three."

Geoff huffed, squeezing his eyes shut.

"Alright. I'll have Dan here in time, and everyone else should be able to get there. The yacht is in the right place, right?" Jack said confirmed, their voice gentle.

"Yep. Suits and dresses and all that stuff are all in, flowers have been ordered. I think that's all for now." Geoff said, shutting his computer.

"You know, coffee might not be the best thing for jitters." Jack laughed, picking up his empty mug.

"I know, I know," Geoff chuckled, putting a stack of papers in his desk drawer.

Jack ruffled his hair gently, smiling as he tried to shake their hand away.

"Go get something to eat, it's almost lunch time." They said.

"Okay, mom." Geoff smirked up at them as he got up, headed to the kitchen.

Jack laughed once more.

They were marrying the right idiot.

***

Ray's fingers shook as he dialed the number. He knew it by heart, memorized over years of typing it into hundreds of burner phones.  
He wasn't sure why he picked Jeremy, it just felt right. He knew that he wouldn't be turned away, or over-coddled.  
He hesitated.  
Should he really call? Calling would be giving up, accepting that he wasn't strong enough to live on his own. But at the same time he loved them. He loved all of them more than ever.  
Geoff and his stupid dopey grin, the way he cried at every little thing. How careful he was to make sure all his boys, Ryan, and Jack were alright.  
Jack, their beautiful laugh and sincerity, how they never ceased to care. They always had so much they had to do but never once did they complain, and they always made time for their partners.  
Ryan and his different quirks, the things he would do and say never ceasing to surprise them all. Yet beyond that he could be so much more, loving and soft.  
Michael, how passionate he was no matter what was going on, his constant intensity. How he never accepted defeat, and never gave up on anyone.  
Gavin and how non stop he was, always filling every room with light and life. He was so bright, in personality and in mind.  
Jeremy's sense of humor, the way they fit together so well in every little way. Yet at the end of the day, when things got hard he would never abandon them.

Yeah, he knew what he had to do.

He pressed send.

***

Ring ring.

Ray waited, drumming his fingers against his thigh.

Ring ring.

Jeremy always answers his phone, Ray didn't know why he was taking so long.

Ring ring.

Ray's resolve was crumbling down, his lip quivering and his hands shaking as he waited for Jeremy to pick up the phone.

Ring ring.

-beep- "Hi! This is Jeremy, I'm probably really busy right now, if you leave a message it's right after the beep! -beep-

At the sound of Jeremy's cheerful voice Ray's eyes swelled with tears.   
He told himself he wouldn't, he tried to stop himself. But yet again he dialed the number, waiting through the beeps just to hear his voice once more.  
Ray didn't know what he would have done if Jeremy actually picked up his phone, all he knew was that he had to listen to him again.

-beep- "Hi! This is Jeremy, I'm probably really busy right now, if you leave a message it's right after the beep! -beep-

He began to sob uncontrollably, curling up around his phone. If his hands weren't shaking so badly he would have dialed again and again, calling just to hear him. He wanted to call the others, too. He wanted all of them there with him.  
It had been so long.  
Too long.

Ray didn't think to look at the clock to see the time, to call back when they would be awake. What he did do was look again at that email, reading over every bit of Geoff's typed words.  
He could hear it said in his voice, every little crack and squeak just fueling his tears.

All Ray knew was that he had to go home.  
It didn't matter what they said, he just had to go home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can find me on Tumblr at Supertinydom, or my art blog at Supertinyart!  
> Comments are love <3


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The End.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't believe we've come so far- I've posted thirteen chapters over roughly fourteen weeks now. I hope to do more, larger projects like this in the future!  
> For now- enjoy!

The day of the event rolled around, none of them even close to prepared for the levels of anxiety that came with it. They knew everything was ready, but damn if that changed anything.  
Geoff still kept fretting about all the details, big or small. What if they couldn't find something? Where was everyone? Did he look alright?  
Jack reassured him, trying to be the calmer of the two- but inside they were just as wrecked by nerves.  
Thankfully all of the bridesmaids and groomsmen were there- they flew Dan in before, and the others had all arrived.  
The yacht was decorated nicely- or at least as nicely as it could be- flowers were arranged, everything was set.

Jack muttered a word of encouragement as they straightened Geoff's bow tie, giving him a quick peck on the lips.

Yeah, this was going to work out.   
Everything was fine.

***

Ray pulled his hood down further over his face- instantly regretting wearing his signature purple hoodie.  
Breaking into the Roosters had been easy enough- if he acted like he belonged no one really questioned him. He doubted anyone knew everyone, so he wasn't in too much trouble. The only issue would come if they recognized him as Brownman- which wouldn't be easy. Not too many people had seen an up-close of his face.  
Plus- the people he was hiding with at the moment seemed to be fairly new hires. None of them really knew each other, either.  
The added edge of getting caught did little to calm him from what he knew he was going to do. Thoughts of what they might do, what they might say swirled in his head. Whether they had really moved on- whether he was even welcome back anymore.  
Crossing his fingers Ray gave a prayer to a god he didn't believe in to help him through.

***

Ryan straightened his dress once more- disregarding what Meg said about him looking fine.  
This was it. It was actually here.  
He wasn't entirely sure whether he was nervous, excited, or both- but it helped to have most of the others with him.

Gavin kept playing with his hair, readjusting his collar, fidgeting with his piercings- anything to keep his restless hands busy.  
Michael looked a bit like he might cry already from the joy of it- which honestly wouldn't surprise any of them. He was trying to even out his breathing, trying to get himself to calm down.  
Jeremy flapped his hands by his sides, bouncing up and down on his heels as he stood in place. He had long abandoned his efforts to try to fix Matt's hair.  
Lindsay and Meg talked to each other in hushed tones- laughing softly from time to time.  
As for Ryan- he straightened out his dress once more, played with his braid, and waited eagerly for his cue.

***

Geoff rested his hands against his sides to try to stop his hands from shaking.  
It helped how few people were there- but regardless of numbers it felt like a lot as they waited.

Jack looked beautiful, their smile radiant and warm as they waited, absolutely serene.  
He knew that they were probably just as anxious as he was- but it helped to have a kind of anchor.

Gosh, he loved them. He loved all of them, and as the music began to play they walked one by one down to join at the front.  
Ryan in his 'formal face paint,' looking as regal and beautiful as a king. Meg walked him down, his hand resting gently on her arm.  
Michael, his eyes warm and slightly wet, though no tears fell. Lindsay walked him down, smiling like anything.  
Gavin was as golden as ever, shining like the sun as Dan escorted him down the aisle.  
Jeremy, led by Matt, looked amazing, the corners of his mouth being pulled into a joyful smile.

Geoff wiped a tear from his eye as Burnie- who knows how they forged the papers to make him able to officiate a wedding- led the ceremony. They kept it brief, not too many dick jokes thankfully. Few of their guests had the attention span to wait through anything else- and there weren't exactly any parents in the crowd to make cry.

"Any objections?" Burnie read, giving a bored glance about the room.

No one really expected anyone to stand up, the line was more tradition than anything.

But someone did.

A hush fell over the crowd, small groups whispering to each other. 

A single, haggard looking figure in a purple hoodie rose, pushing off the hood.

"Is that offer still open?" Ray's voice cracked midway through, his eyes struggling to meet Geoff's gaze. "To come home?"

None of them had the heart to be angry after so long, well, at least outwardly.

Though, they do say that absence makes the heart grow fonder. But that must be bullshit because after nearly two years Michael almost wanted to punched him in the face. If there were any doubts before about whether or not he was crying they were gone now, Michael settling for grabbing Ray and holding him close.

All of them seemed to be crying, in fact. Ryan's 'formal face paint' was thankfully waterproof, untouched by his tears. He had foreseen crying at some point- just maybe not this early.

"Of course you can come back- you are always welcome here, Ray." Geoff choked out, joining the hug.

"Though, you did crash out wedding, you fuck." He added. "But it'll be worth it."

***

It was almost another three years later.  
Slowly they all let things fall back into a rhythm, readjusting to having Ray become a part of their lives again. It was a big change, but one they were all willing to make.  
It was good to know that he was okay- or at least that he was going to be okay.  
Over time they got back together, falling back into love as effortlessly as it had always been. This time with more communication, more honesty between them.

It was another lazy Sunday afternoon when Geoff proposed again. Only fully willing 'yes's were heard this time, only warmth and love.

They reused a lot of the same wedding plans- easily working in the seventh person.

But that was then.

Now, standing at the end of the aisle with Jack and Geoff, watching as the others walked down, Ray knew that he had made the right decision.  
Whether or not in the end it had become official or not- they were a family. They would always be together, no matter what happened.  
The ring, the ceremony, that just solidified it, set it in place.

It was a commitment, that was sure enough- and Ray had only one something to say:

I do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can find me on Tumblr at Supertinydom, or my art blog Supertinyart!  
> Comments are love <3 and be sure to check out some of my other works if you enjoyed!

**Author's Note:**

> Check me out on Tumblr at Supertinydom!  
> Comments are love <3


End file.
